Bravery to change

May 31, 1999

The internship fell through. I'm working at Wal-Mart, full-time in the photo lab. I'm making some decent money, but it's nothing new or exciting.

Well, I’ve been thinking…

I recall being in high school. My mindset was different then, my outlook was far from what it has become.

As I walked the halls of MHS, I looked to the future with bright optimism. My friends and I were all headed toward something great. We were going to be computer scientists, doctors, lawyers, and mathematicians. But it’s different now. The goals are closer. I see things are not so clear as I once thought them to be. Sure, I was undecided (as I am to this day) what I wanted to do with my future during high school. But I was more optimistic that whatever I would become, it would be great.

Some adults tell me this is a reality check. I’m realizing life isn’t always what we want it to be. But I see it differently.

A life is a wonderful thing to be given. It’s a gift from God himself, and we must not waste it. From when I was very young, I thought this meant I must study hard and work toward a good job or career. I must become smart and be presentable to everyone.

No. I was wrong then. We have the entire world with all it’s amazing diversity and beauty to explore. The sad thing is that, despite the existence of such splendor, we choose to destroy it or ignore it, hoping we will some day in the future reach our goal: happiness through power, education, or money.

That seems to be a theme in my life. I’m always preparing for the future. Education to prepare me for a job. Jobs to prepare me for better jobs in the future. Money saved to pay bills in the future. It’s always chasing the future…. But the future never gets here.

We only get one life, and it’s very precious. Why have I spent ¼ of it simply preparing for the last ¾? I now believe that, as we only get one chance in life, we must make it worthwhile.

If you or I don’t like where our life is headed or are uncertain of what to do, why not change?

Meg Ryan said it in You’ve Got Mail. I know I can’t recall the exact quote, but it was perfect: Am I living my life like this because this is what I want? Or am I living my life like this because I’m not brave enough to change?

I must be brave enough to change my life. If I simply "go with the flow" and accept only what comes my way, I will have failed in life. Sure, I might have a nice house, a job, and maybe a family if I live in the flow. But what will come if I am a little braver?

Hopefully I will have lived a life that, when I am old and gray, I can think back and be satisfied that I lived well.

I am so afraid I will not be brave enough.