Retreat! Retreat!

December 15, 2001

Ah, the Christmas season. Ideally, this time of year brings about feelings of generosity and kindness toward fellow man. People will smile as you pass them in the street and wish you a joyful holiday.

In reality, it's a war zone out there. I hopped into my pickup and drove downtown tonight with hopes of getting some Christmas shopping done. With a certain item in mind, I went to Wal-Mart. For some odd reason, I made it into the parking lot without incident or difficulty. It must be some kind of sinister holiday trap. . . you can get in, but you can't get out.

Everybody wanted into the store. The doors weren't big enough to deal with the multitudes of incoming shoppers. I slowly waited as the crowd crept forward, inch by inch. Eventually, I found myself within the store. It was then that my mistake became all too clear.

Every checkout lane had a line of agitated-looking consumers streching all the way into the forest of clothing racks across the aisle. There was no getting through, so I opted for an indirect route to electronics. I was met at every turn by a wall of customers, all frowning at this delay or that price tag. The negative energy was almost too much to stand. I began to panic, quickly looking for the exits. I moved as quickly as possible -- dodging shopping carts and the slower-moving customers. I was given more than a few unkind looks as I meandered against the flow.

Finally reaching the parking lot did not bring relief. A traffic jam in front of the store was preventing anyone from going anywhere. Sneaking between moving cars and narrowly escaping with my life, I managed to get to my vehicle and make a run for the lesser-used exit from the lot. After being honked at and nearly hit by several cars, I escaped -- exhausted and a little shaken.

My sincere sympathy goes out to all retail workers in this holiday season. May they survive the onslaught.

Oh, and happy holidays everyone. Try to remember it's not supposed to be about the money and gifts.